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1 Peter 3:1-7. Ephesians 5:21-33.
“… Provide things honest in the sight of all men. Romans 12:17b.
Our Conversation today will take the form of questions and answers. The questions came from the series of topics we have previously conversed on this broad issue of MARRIAGE.
We advise that you consult marriage experts and counselors where your case is not dealt with here , or not covered, or not properly or fully treated. We do not claim to have all the answers, only God has.
By way of explaining, let us be clear that answers to questions are Bible- based. And we also assume that our answers are meant for children of God
We make this clarification because we are aware that some of the questions can be addressed by applying the WISDOM of the world , which can satisfy any carnal human soul. We do not indulge in such extra Biblical reasonings. God’s word is ENOUGH and adequate to resolve all human crises and calamities. May you find His word enough as you pass through this side of Canaanland in Jesus’name.
Question Number One.
The portrait of the man you painted as husband is second to none. Are there men like that?( A lady asked).
Answer: Yes, there are men like that. If we do not have such men, then what it means is that no man will enter into the kingdom of God. But we know there are several husbands who are seriously working to ENTER into the narrow path to the kingdom of God. This also means that such husbands are working to ensure that their marriage is got right. By way of testimony, I have seen such men or husbands in this category. They love their wives to the point of dying for them, as Jesus did for the Church. They might be few, but they are there, most certainly.
Question Number Two.
Is it not too much for a woman to play all the roles ascribed to her in your conversation?
(A wife asked).
A careful study of our conversation on the expectations of men from their wives will show that such demands are not extra- Biblical. In fact, any wife who has taken time to study Proverbs 31, would understand that men’s expectations also fall in line with what God had already painted to be the portrait of a wise woman who is intentional in marriage, and who wishes to BUILD her home. The point must be made that there are several women who are doing Proverbs 31 today to the profiting of their marriages and homes. History has also shown that the likes of Sussana Wesley, mother of John Wesley, who founded the Methodist Movement, (now Methodist Church), then known as the Holiness Club and Catherine Booth , the wife of William Booth, the founder of the Salvation Army, epitomized these virtues of a genuine wife and mother of a Christian Woman.
Question Number Three.
Our marriage is not known as marriage in the eyes of the law, going by your teaching on what is marriage. We have got children and are living well as christians. What do we do ? ( By a couple?.
I should think that you started living together before you became born again. If your living together started after you became born again christians, then you should go to your pastor or pastors and tell them your story. Why you didn’t follow the laid down church rules before getting to know each other carnally in marriage, so to say.
But if you were merely church goers and decided to begin to co habit until now, then the man should go to the woman’s family to formalize the marriage by carrying out the bridal wealth rites. You should also register your marriage with the Government Marriage Registry. Thereafter, go to your church for prayers and thanksgiving. It’s unchristian to be living together as husband and wife without real marriage as we have discussed in this conversation. Also consider the reality of your own children being taken away in marriage without the necessary marriage rites and public ceremony. The Bible tells us to do to others what you wish them to do to us. Besides, we marry to ease the match to heaven , not to encumber it by deliberate disobedience or sin.
Question Number Four
We have been married for nearly a decade without the fruit of the womb. As a wife, I have proposed to my husband that we should go for adoption. But he is not accepting it. He tells me that God will give him children of his own loins..What do I do?
Your case is one of the many cases of childlessness in marriage . I don’t know why your husband is refusing child adoption, which many couples are today resorting to , to stabilize their marriage. Indeed there’s nothing wrong with adoption. The reality of life is in the understanding that we are all pilgrims here on earth. And having brought nothing into the wotld we shall certainly take nothing away from it.
However, since your husband believes God will give him children of his own loins, join him to trust God for this possibility . For with God all things are possible. Luke 1:37.
It’s also important to add that both of you should adhere to your medical advices, including the possibility of out of womb fertilization, IVF. Also, consult your doctors, going forward.
Question Number Five.
I am jealous of my wife even though I was the one who built her up in her business that is now making good returns. How do I handle this challenge because I don’t like it myself?
The feeling is actually unusual. Nonetheless, it can happen, especially with men who are afraid of what the future holds for them. Or people who are generally unsure of their relationship with God. Therefore, as a man try convincing yourself that you truly born again as a child of God. And that you love your wife genuinely. Deepen the love by praying for her every day and confessing your love for her many times every day, as a marriage counselor advised men to do , if they must reassure them of their love.
As a husband, you must also guard your heart with some diligence so that it’s thinking is controlled in line with God’s word and discretion.
Don’t also forget that the prosperity of your wife is also your own prosperity. God’s standard in marriage is that the two shall be one. See your wife and her flourishing business as your own. And pray for your wife and her business as you pray for yourself and your business daily.
Question Number Six.
How often should couples have sex. ? This is because my wife denies me her body often times.( A worried man asked).
The Bible is clear on the consummation of sex in marriage. Whereas the Bible didn’t say how many times in a day , week or month, it nonetheless states that we should not deny ourselves this right, unless when we are fasting. Some experts suggest that two to three times a week could be good for young couples. This frequency can reduce with age and the increasing demand of child birth and rearing. It’s agreed that sex in marriage can be fraught with challenges, therefore,
couples should follow christian love and spiritual maturity to handle it. And where the woman needs help, the couple can approach medical experts for counselling. But for no reason should the demand for sex be allowed to destabilize the peace , unity and harmony of the home, not even when the children are there.
Question Number Seven.
My husband spends most of the money in our joint account. Sometimes, he overshoots our budget. What should I do as a wife under authority?
The issue of finance is always problematic in the home. Many couples don’t agree to joint account because of the experience you are having. Yet, marriage experts believe it’s the best way to go in family finance. Therefore, talk thinks over with your husband on the need to align his expenditure to family budget. Also pray for him for God to help him spend responsibly. And to respect your views on family financials.
However, where reason fails, both of you can agree to hold separate accounts. And decide on the modalities of funding family projects, including payment of bills, school fees and running the home among others.
Question Number Eight.
My husband gives counter directives to the children, contrary to the things I teach them at home. Sometimes, he pitts them against me. Is this right? And what should I do?
It’s unfortunate that your husband teaches the opposite of what you teach the children. This is not right. It’s important for couples to agree on the principles to train their children. Given that both parents have good intentions for their children , they should prayerfully find a common ground on how to train their children . Very often , men tend to be soft with their daughters, giving the impression that they love them more than their mothers. This should not be. Fathers should cooperate with their wives in the training of their children, especially as the bottom line is to make them successful adults and spiritual beings also. Given that mothers stay longer with the children at home, fathers should deffer with their wives in most things affecting thee children. Women are home makers, according to the Bible.
Question Number Nine.
We are both believers. But my wife had a child before we got married without disclosing it to me. What should I do?
Forgive your wife as Jesus also forgave us. Romans 5:8 tells us that God was reconciling the world through Jesus who died on cross, while we were yet sinners. This could sound hard to the offended, yet it’s the way to go as believers. Don’t drag it too far to discredit your wife. Or to make nonsense of your Christian testimony. You can also seek further help from your pastor. But be sure that divorce is not an option because … we are all God’s children.
Question Number Ten.
My husband has another child outside, even after we got married as believers. He said it’s a mistake. What should I do,? Accept the child or what?
Yes, Accept the child if the mother is willing to release it to you.
Also forgive your husband. But let your Pastors know for records and necessary church discipline since you are believers.
Concluded. Thanks. God bless.
Pastor Okoro is a revivalist; And marriage counselor. He can be reached on: 08051000462. All Bible references are from KJV, except otherwise stated