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At a time when many will swear that the nation is burning, our politicians are on the march again. It is not quite the same alignment and re – alignment that took place in 2015 and gave some of us false hope that things were about to change. Our political contractors are jumping from one party to another.
The parties are suddenly in a state of flux. Everyone is scheming. Some are even using the courts to scheme out their opponents. What I see is everyone positioning himself to acquire power. What I do not see is what they want to do for Nigerians with the power they acquire.
Almost every governor wants to join the APC, the greatest party in the history of mankind that has turned Nigeria, the world’s biggest black nation, into Eldorado, a land overflowing with milk, honey and blood. I guess the governors want to share in the adoration the Nigerian people are heaping on APC for the revolutionary leadership they have foisted on the nation.
Have you noticed how easy it is to make money in Nigeria these days? You don’t need a degree or any special training or skills. Just collect a few of your jobless friends and gather some AK47 riffles. You can start a kidnapping business or storm any school or college and collect all the children there and take them away to any forest. It will be all over WhatsApp that the ‘bandits’ have struck again. You can then name how many bags of rice and tomatoes you require to feed the children and how many hundreds of millions of naira you want to release them. Outside of politics, banditry has become the biggest and most thriving business in Nigeria. Look out very soon for ABN, the Association of Bandits of Nigeria asking for dedicated seats at the National Assembly.
Have you ever lived in a neighbourhood where everybody takes his bucket to the public tap to fetch some water? Of course, the water does not flow all the time. You want to make sure that whenever the water comes, your bucket is the one right under the tap or as close to it as possible. Have you ever experienced the fight and brouhaha that takes place as people struggle and tear at themselves to get a vantage place for their buckets. That is what is going on in Nigeria.
I cannot help but feel that every politician in Nigeria is trying to position his bucket under the national tap so that the money can keep running in. If his bucket is full, he acquires the new headache of holding on to what he has. For decades, the best drug against headache in Nigeria was called APC, not Panadol. I hear that the greatest insurance company in Nigeria today is also called APC. If your bucket is full, you will be a fool not to insure yourself against the headache of those busybodies called the EFCC who can in a twinkle of an eye overturn your bucket.
Except you have sworn to a partnership with poverty, you must obtain a very good deal from the only insurance company that can cover you with an anti-EFCC policy and the company is called APC. The governors are smart guys. Do you need to be told that the fear of EFCC is the beginning of wisdom? With everybody moving in one direction, very soon, Nigeria will become a one-party state, just like our current best friend, the Peoples Republic of China.
Is it not clear that we do not quite like opposition and debates and that some of our so-called leaders will argue that liberal democracy is not exactly African. If you do not like liberal democracy, how can you like Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp and all the noisy neighbours? Ban all of them!
Have you noticed that after our struggle to stop being a British colony, we have now with open hands quietly accepted to become a Chinese colony? The Chinese are now funding and building our railway, airports, roadways and everything else! Nobody knows exactly how much we owe the Chinese. How are we sure that the Chinese are not also funding our politics?
Maybe, the Buhari revolution has not quite unfolded.
See you next week