Your Relationship Is Failing Because You Don’t Put Out Enough


Are you doing it enough?
Will your beloved stick with you forever, or catapult your sorry arse in the general direction of dumpsville?

To discover the answer, you just need to look at a few simple metrics.

Men share their most horrific sexual misadventures
Do your tastes in music harmonise? Does his personal hygiene pass the smell test? Does her taste in take-out food pass muster after a skinful?

By all means, evaluate your friends’ relationships based on these criteria – being judgemental is awesome.

But know this – the only surefire way to spot a floundering couple is to count the number times per week they have sex.

Yes, OK, this is all very male gaze and whatever. But really think back over your own relationship history.

Didn’t the breakups, mostly, coincide with a prolonged dry spell?

Remember all those times you’ve counselled friends, whose love affairs have entered a tailspin? Isn’t hearing them blub ‘we barely even have sex anymore’ so commonplace it’s basically a trope?

Even if you’re happily hooked-up, don’t you find the frequency of petty bickering is inversely proportional to the quantity of humping?

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And look, I’m not saying we should all f*** our way out of rough patches – although there are worse ideas.

Good quality sex and wellbeing are intrinsically linked – consider this study, which suggests upping your sexual regularity from monthly to weekly has the same mood-boosting power as a $50k payrise.

Sex is awesome, and is in all likelihood one of the top five reasons you got together in the first place.

The only way to emerge from the bleak quagmire of a moribund sex life is to listen to each other’s needs.

If you don’t feel like it tonight then don’t put out, for sure, but you owe it to your partner to take time tomorrow and think about why.

Is there some blockage you’re not acknowledging?

Do you not fancy them anymore, perhaps?

I’d like to sum up by saying there’s no magic number, no one-size-fits-all quota couples should aspire to in order to keep their relationship in good working order.

That would be a lie though.

The appropriate number of times to have sex is this: at least once a day for the first six months of your relationship. Thereafter, maybe three times a week (including at least once on weekends) until the two-year point.

Having kids obviously f***s it right up, but as a rule of thumb once a week is probably a reasonable expectation for any couple going forwards.

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